I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
