its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
