you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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