Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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