Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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