I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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