i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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