I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
