Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
