you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
