just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
