then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
