I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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