I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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