I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
