It's Friday. Sex?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
