remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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