she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
