Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
