And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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