look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
