1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
