covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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