the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
