I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
