i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize