Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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