my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
