It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
