So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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