so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
