dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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