I think I am morally bankrupt
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we're so committed to being not committed
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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