Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize