And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize