dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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