The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
