So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize