Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
