white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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