Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
