so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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