Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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