wrigley field is MILF paradise
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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