She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
