i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
