Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
