If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
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