well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
