we have pet lesbian snakes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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