My cat gives me a boner
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
