Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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