Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
