Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
