you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
