I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
