I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
