I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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