areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
