is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
