Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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