I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
