Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woke up backwards on a recliner
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
