I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
