Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
