Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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